Old-Timer Chuckles

• Remember old folks are worth a fortune: they have silver in their hair, gold in their teeth, stones in their kidneys, lead in their feet, and gas in their stomachs.

• I have become a quite a frivolous old gal. I am seeing five gentleman every day. As soon as I wake up, Will Power helps me get out of bed. Then I go see John. Then Charlie Horse comes along. When he leaves, Arthur Ritis shows up and stays the rest of the day. He doesn't like to stay in one place very long, so he takes me from joint to joint. After such a busy day I'm really tired and glad to get to bed with Ben Gay. What a life!

• The preacher came by the other day. He said at my age I should be thinking about the hereafter. I told him, "Oh, I do, all the time. No matter where I am, in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen or down in the basement, I ask myself - 'what am I here after?'"